Validating hurt feelings in a relationship
Validating hurt feelings in a relationship - green singles dating website
Instead, we should start telling the truth: These are all true statements.
It gives the impression that we should honor feelings above all other things. Feelings are important, but there are things far more important.
Truth, value, justice, right/wrong are all more vital than a temporary emotion.
Instead of saying “You hurt my feelings,” we could say: These statements value ideals which are more important than feelings. It is not our job to question, doubt, or change another person’s feelings.
They don’t diminish feelings, but feelings can’t be debated. The horrific downside of making feelings as the ultimate trump card in society is that we are asking people to debate things which shouldn’t be debated. We should listen and value what another person feels.
Fixing hurt feelings with your boyfriend doesn't necessarily mean extending numerous apologies, taking full blame and resolving to "never do it again" only to find yourself with the same issue a month later.
Often relationship issues involve hurt feelings on both sides that need addressing.
When you and your boyfriend are ready to talk calmly about one another's concerns, set some guidelines for positive, open communication to deal with the problem.There is no greater trump card in today’s society than “You hurt my feelings.” It’s the phrase announcing that you have crossed the line. (To see how this plays out in families or organizations, see: I Know Who Is In Charge of Your Family)Everything must stop because you have gone out of bounds. Maybe it was my guilt or shame that led to the feeling of hurt.There are only two problems with this phrase:1) You can’t hurt my feelings. (See: Sometimes You Need to Be a Jerk)“You hurt my feelings” is a phrase we should never use. It’s a confession of our own mistake of allowing another person to control us. Maybe your action was right even though I got my feelings hurt. I can choose to have my feelings hurt by something you do, but you cannot hurt my feelings.2) Maybe my feelings needed to be hurt. The funny thing about saying “You hurt my feelings” is that it implies “What you did was wrong,” but it only implies it was wrong because my feelings were hurt. Maybe your action is offensive to me because I need to be offended.